To the person who has stayed by my side through it all,

First off, it’s important that you know that your efforts do not go unnoticed. The comforting, encouraging, and listening you do make all the difference. Because even if I don’t seem to respond in the moment, your words and actions show me that you care.

Really, that’s all I need in that moment . . . besides pain relief, of course. But if my doctor and I can’t seem to get a hold of it, I would never expect that from you.

And despite this, you still have given me recommendations that have helped my stress and pain. Because of you, I have tried meditation, Epsom salt baths, and other alternative pain relievers. Even better, these methods have worked! Thank you.

I Am Sorry.

I cannot imagine the hurt I have caused you. But I imagine my words were not very kind when I was in a state of severe pain and fear. I am sorry for letting my emotions take over and not showing you all the love that you have shown me.

I apologize for ever having made you feel helpless or unwanted. I imagine my depression affects you just as much as it affects me- but differently. I pray that you feel as much love from me, as I feel from you. And I am sorry if my condition has gotten in the way of me being able to show my love in the way that you need it.

Most of all, I am sorry that my condition has managed to keep me from giving you the child we both want. I know you don’t blame me, and I know that it is not my fault, but that doesn’t change the fact that I feel responsible some days.

I Admire You.

I can say all day how you are my rock, but I think you know this. Instead, it’s important for you to know how much I admire you and your strength.

Because at the end of the day, you have chosen to stick around. You have chosen to love me through sickness and health. You have chosen to put our marriage first and be the supportive, loving husband I always knew you would be. Your strength through our infertility struggle keeps me afloat. 

Even if it’s all a front, as I can see you are hurting inside, there is still so much strength in keeping your composure. I admire you for that.

Cheers to Another Year

So, cheers to the six years of obstacles that have only made us stronger! Let us toast to another year in the books, and the many more memories to come. Let’s pray for more pain-free days and a healthy baby in our future. But until then, cheers to another year of puppy cuddles, date nights, and fun adventures.

Love,

Your Wife and Best Friend